If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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