Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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