I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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