My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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