She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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