Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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