Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Randomize