I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize