I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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