just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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