My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize