Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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