y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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