i already hear my dad disowning me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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