I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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