sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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