arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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