he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize