I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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