So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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