if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize