Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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