It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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