i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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