hotel room ftw
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize