So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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