Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize