I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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