Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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