when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize