I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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