ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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