where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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