dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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