dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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