I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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