My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
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So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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