in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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