You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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