god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize