she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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