i would punch a child for taco bell
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize