I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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