Apparently you make a good broom.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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