My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize