Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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