How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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