dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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