Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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