and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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