ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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